Our Adoption Story - Jamal

Three weeks ago – Thursday July 25th, 2013, Jeremy and I received the call we've been waiting months for...

We had just left our weekly finance class and headed over to a local bakery for our usual after - class treat. It was about 8:20 pm, Jeremy was paying for our cookies when my phone rang; it was a call from our adoption agency so I slipped outside to take the call. At first I thought it was just an update or a question about our file, but once I realized this was THE call, I shouted to Jeremy. He looked like a deer in headlights, a look of shock and excitement, while fumbling with his change to hurry outside with me.

I listened closely and repeated all the information to Jeremy as it was given to me. We were both anxious and excited. It was a lot to take in in just a few minutes, especially since it meant that if we accepted, our life would be changing the very next afternoon! We decided we needed a minute to process this information, talk about it and say a prayer. We walked to the car, got in, and sat for a good minute without saying a word, completely shocked. I of course began to cry. There is no way to describe the mix of emotions that come over you in this instant: shock, relief, excitement, sadness, nervousness, anxiety, humility, and love. My biggest challenge, and one that still brings tears to my eyes, is wondering what the birth mother must be thinking, feeling, and going through in life to have to make this most difficult decision. My heart literally breaks for her. As happy as we are in that moment of possibility of completing our family, we always realize that another is being torn apart in the process. Adoption is the ultimate definition of a two- edged sword.

We talked for a minute and tried to remember all the details we had just been given. It was odd how similar this situation was to our last adoption call with Nicole! Again, just like before, we were both together when we got the news, chatting and praying in a car in a parking lot. Some of our biggest life decisions have been made in a car in a lonely parking lot. I wrote everything down on paper that I could remember while Jeremy inhaled his cookie! I've never seen him eat like that. I was actually scared he might eat me! I on the other hand thought I might throw up and couldn't even look at my cookie. Everyone handles emotions differently, right?! We talked about the opportunity and what we would need to do to prepare that quickly. And finally we said a prayer about our decision. We felt very strongly that this child would complete our family.

We had some time to kill since our agency contact was in a meeting. Now that we had our decision made and an answer ready to give, we went into action mode, making plans of what we needed, what to do with the other kids and what to tell them. We tried to think of what questions we had since there were a lot of holes missing in our notes. Your brain can only hold so many details in such a state, we forgot half of what our contact said.

It was finally time to call back and give our answer- yes! We re-asked some of the same questions and hung up knowing we would get more details the next day as to what would happen when. But on that Thursday night the plan was that we would have a new son the very next day!

We debated whether to tell the kids yet or not. In the end we thought it was best to tell them so they could start to wrap their minds around this news. We would also have to warn them that there was a chance that it might not happen at all though; there is always a risk involved and we were putting their hearts on the line this time. They were already in bed when we got home so we planned to tell them first thing in the morning.

Over breakfast Friday morning we announced the news to the kids who were so happy to hear and overly excited to meet him! We were all energized that morning and set about making preparations for our new son. We cleaned his room top to bottom, set up his bed, and did some chores to clean the house. We had to steal Natalie's mattress in order for him to have a bed to sleep in that night; poor Natalie offered to sleep on the floor for a few nights until we could go buy another mattress. I also sorted through boxes of clothes to pull out sizes that might fit him. I had bought a few things here and there from friends the past few months in anticipation, not knowing what size we would actually need when the time came. This was the fastest version of nesting in history!

After our speedy hard work we packed up and headed out to do a little shopping for some necessities we were missing, like a car seat. We bought a few outfits, diapers, wipes, bedding and curtains for his room, and searched everywhere for a car seat to no avail. By this time we had heard that our plans for that day had to be postponed until Saturday. That was a relief, it gave us all more time to prepare and let this momentous news set in. We continued shopping and cleaning until late and then went to bed. It took Jeremy and I a while to fall asleep that night, we were too anxious for what tomorrow would bring.

Saturday morning I took Natalie with me to search yet again for a car seat. We went to a few more stores, but I couldn’t find a car seat I liked in our budget range. I was getting desperate! We went back to where we started –Walmart, the store that has everything, except what you need! I found a helpful employee. No, he really was, imagine that. When we were there the day before they said they had the one we wanted in stock but they didn’t know where, and they obviously weren’t about to search for it. This time I demanded a car seat, I wasn’t leaving without one. I didn’t have a choice, time was running out. Every other option was either pink or a creepy Dora or Sponge Bob. If you happen to be in that store go check out the car seats, you’ll see what I mean. This competent employee dove into the depths of their warehouse to search for that car seat. He reemerged with not one, but two of the car seat I was after! Success! The boxes were destroyed and open, but he promised me the seats were brand new and not damaged. He said they had not been put on the floor due to the condition of the boxes having been ruined on the truck. I looked inside and chose the one that wasn’t all dusty and headed for the check out. Mission accomplished! We installed it the second I got home.

We did some more chores that day and let the kids play for a bit while we anxiously awaited any news from the agency. Time went so slow that day; painfully slow. After lunch, still no news. By this time the kids were a mess of emotion, happy, excited, hyper, tired, crying and whining all at the same time. None of us could stand it anymore, it was time to call in reinforcements. Grandma and Grandpa Nelson came to collect the kids and take them to their house for the day. After they left Jeremy and I sat on the porch talking since we were out of things to do, we were dying for a call or a text or an update of any kind. Finally we were told we could make our way towards the agency! We frantically packed a bag and jumped in the car. Neither of us believing our moment had really come.

I don’t remember what about or if we talked much in the car, it was hard to breathe. Once again all those emotions came over me again. As happy as I was, I was painfully aware of what must be happening at the agency. I was dreading this exchange with every fiber of my being yet couldn’t wait one more second. Talk about a nervous wreck!

As we drove we got another text that our meeting would be a little later than planned which was fine because we were still a ways out from Centerville. When we were just about there we received another text that there was another delay and that the birth mom had decided that she did not want to meet us after all. As much as I really wanted to meet with her and get to know her, in this moment, it was a huge relief. With Nicole, we were able to meet both her birth mother and father and we treasure that time we got with them. I took a picture of them holding her (probably the only one we will ever get of them) and am so thankful we have that picture to show her in the future. In this case though, with an older child, and having done it before, I couldn’t imagine or bear the thought of being a part of their goodbyes. I was grateful she could do that in private, it seemed a more peaceful transition. We respected her decision and understood. I hope some day we do get the chance to get to know her and receive letters in response to ours.

We were told to wait nearby until it was time to go in. We parked in an alley near the agency and waited…I had to get out of the car and move, I couldn’t sit still. I was mostly just excited now, whereas Jeremy was feeling very nervous and anxious. We paced back and forth and back and forth wondering what he looked like, what his personality was like, what he would think of us and how he would react to us taking him home. We waited an hour until we finally got the text saying it was our turn, but were warned he was crying and upset. We both took a deep breath and looked wide-eyed at each other as we got into the car.

We could see him through the window when we pulled up and it seemed like he had stopped crying. When we walked in he ran to the social worker, clinging to her as he buried his face. We didn’t want to intrude or scare him so we kept our distance and just stared at this handsome boy, while talking with her. It didn’t take long for him to fall asleep in her arms. Once he was out she handed him to me. I got to hold him the whole time we talked and while we signed all the legal documents. We were there for two hours. When all was said and done it was time to go home. I handed him to Jeremy and he woke up confused and a little scared and went running after the social worker. At this point we were a little nervous about how he would react in the car. Jeremy carried him out and buckled him in. We waved goodbye, held our breath and were off.

We were so hungry at this point, but didn’t dare stop the car. We agreed on drive through and got him some food too thinking he might be hungry. So far so good, no tears. As I handed him chicken nuggets he gave me silly faces and smiled. After a while he was laughing and playing, even playing peek-a-boo with me! We both felt a little calmer now, but still couldn’t believe this was all happening, it was all very surreal.

I had a moment of panic pulling into the driveway. I thought, “this is it, he’s going to freak out as soon as we bring him into a strange house and he doesn’t know where he is!” Once again he surprised us. He went about exploring and playing with toys as if it were no big deal. We showed him all around the house and all the kids bedrooms, including his own. He was playing hide and seek and having a good time. Once we were settled a bit and our nerves were calmer we called grandma and grandpa and told them to bring the kids back home to meet their new brother.

When they pulled into the driveway I took him into one room while they all lined up inside with their eyes closed. Natalie had the idea the day before that they could all close their eyes so they could see him at the same time and no one would be pushing or fighting to see him first. It was a great idea! They were so excited to play with him and he with them it seemed. They ran around together while we finally sat down comfortably relaxed, the first time in a day and a half and talked to Jeremy’s parents in bewilderment. The afternoon and evening had gone so well, better than we ever could’ve imagined! It was getting late so we all gave them hugs goodbye and were completely shocked when he joined right in and gave hugs all around! It was such a special moment. We even got a few pictures of him with them that night.

We said a prayer together as a completed family that night and carried him around as we tucked all the kids in bed. We tucked him in last then went straight to our room and crashed onto our bed, almost giddy. Did this day really happen? Did he really not cry once? This was unbelievable. About a minute later he reappeared in our room with his arms open wide for a hug. Jeremy picked him up, snuggled him and tucked him back into bed. That was it, he went right to sleep and slept all night. I’m sure it was a big day for him too and he was tired.

On Sunday we normally go to church, but decided to take a day to ourselves to get to know each other better. We took the kids to the park to play and feed ducks while I photographed him. I wanted a few nice pictures to make his debut with since all I had at that point were a few blurry cell phone pictures. It was a nice relaxing day with our now-bigger family.

The next few weeks are a blur of family visits, phone calls, doctor appointments, errands and activities. It was nice to have that peaceful Sunday, because on Monday, life went back into full swing. Nicole had gymnastics Mondays and Wednesdays, and all of them started swim lessons on that Monday. Welcome to our busy family! Luckily Jeremy had most of that week off to help me with everything and to get in more bonding time. I had signed the kids up months ago for swimming lessons and was fortunate enough to be able to enroll in a parent-tot class at the same time. I thought it would be a great bonding experience and a good way to keep him busy. Jeremy even took a few turns in the pool with him. He seemed to really enjoy it and loved the water by the end.

It’s weird that it’s only been three weeks, he seems like he’s always been here with us. It’s amazing how fast you can fall in love with a child, but he has become part of our family. Our other kids adore and love him too. And as far as we can tell he loves being here with us, playing with his new siblings and going on new adventures. He is such a sweet and loving boy, a testament to his mother’s loving care. We are ever indebted to her and her greatest sacrifice.

With much thought, prayer, and consideration, we have re-named him Jamal Antoine (middle name after his mother). Nicole thought we should name him macaroni and cheese, but we felt Jamal was a better choice. I liked the name Jamal, it means beauty and grace, both of which this kid is.

Now without further ado, the part you have all been waiting for… pictures! We are excited to introduce you all to our kind-hearted, almost two year old son Jamal.

Natalie is a little mommy

What kind of photographer mom would I be if I didn't take some "newborn" style shots? He is new to our family! These are fun for us because this is a onesie Kai wore at this age.

Silly faces

We love him THIS much!

When making a comment please be respectful of Jamal's birth mom who may eventually read this. Thank you!