A Letter to Take Home

Dear Samir (Jamal),

That’s what we called you while you stayed with us: Jamal Antoine Nelson.  Only Heaven knows the reason you came to us for those few months, but we were sure blessed by your presence here in our home. We all welcomed you with open arms and loved you like you were our own son. Your dad missed out on this time of your life and you were so young I don’t know if you would even remember, so I thought we would leave you with a memory of those few precious months we spent with you. Hopefully someday your dad will share this with you.

When we brought you home that first night you didn’t even cry. You explored the house and played with toys and were so excited when your siblings  (we thought we were going to be able to adopt you) came home.  Kai, Natalie and Nicole were so happy to have a little brother at last after months and months of prayers.

You all got along right off the bat, playing, causing mischief and getting into things. Kai loved to play light sabers with you and watch tv with you. He would play wii and let you hold a remote and pretend to play.  He loved to hug and snuggle you and loved having a little brother! He would show you off to all his friends. He liked playing baseball with you and playing outside with you. He folded you a few origami creations, but you tried to eat them.

(Kai teaching him to skateboard)

Natalie liked to read to you, play with you, play games, give you piggy back rides, and dress you up as a princess I’m afraid.  She would tickle you and chase you and play hide and seek. She pretended to be your school teacher, and covered you with kisses and hugs. She was so excited to have someone in the room right next to hers. She always wanted to help wake you up and get you dressed or tuck you into bed. She taught you how to pet and play with our cat Sylvester so you weren’t scared of him. She played you music and danced with you and pushed you around in a stroller. She was like a second mom to you. Always wanting to help do anything she could.

 (Pretending to play baseball. Natalie was sad about Jamal one day so I let her stay home from school to play with him. This was pretty darn cute, I had to snag a picture with my phone.)

(The girls dressed him up as a "tennis star.")

Nicole Loved having a buddy to play with at home while the big kids were at school. It was good for her to start to learn how to share. You loved playing with her play kitchen and food and would make meals for me to eat. You two played barbies, although sometimes you used yours as a gun or a sword instead, but she didn’t seem to mind. You two watched movies together, wrestled and tickled each other. You loved to give her hugs and kisses and jump on her. Everywhere she went so did you. You got in trouble for always following her into the bathroom even! She also liked to dress you up as a princess and play make believe with you. You two did fight a lot over toys though. If she had something, you wanted it too.

(Playing after the big kids went off to school. They wanted backpacks like Kai and Natalie.)

I loved the afternoons we would walk to pick up the kids from school. As soon as you saw Kai and Natalie you would run down the sidewalk screaming their names and open your arms wide for hugs and kisses.

You were a picky eater at first and didn’t eat much. You liked to just play with your food, scooting it back and forth on your high chair. I watched you once pick out every single chocolate chip from a granola bar and put them in a pile to save the best for last. You loved fruit, especially bananas, but also grapes, oranges, and apples. You would eat an apple slice like a watermelon and leave the peel, it was pretty cute.  One of your favorites was oatmeal. You finally learned how to eat a sandwich the right way without it being cut into small pieces. You would just pick holes all over the bread and not take any real bites when we first tried giving you half a sandwich. You took a long time to eat and at first it was hard to tell when you done, eventually we worked on sign language to tell us. That worked for a while and then you moved into the stage of dumping things on the floor or putting your plate on your head and such. It became very clear when you were done eating.  But you were so polite always saying please and thank you! You did great using a fork, spoon and cup.

You were so small when you came home, still wearing size 12 month clothes. We would put on a pair of 18 months shorts and they would fall right off you (which you thought was hilarious). You gained a pound a month though and grew into those 18 mo clothes by the end.

You were a great sleeper, we’d put you to bed at 8pm along with the rest of the clan,  sleep until about 6:30 am and then you would have a 1-2 hour nap at 12:30 in the afternoon. You slept in a twin bed in your own room. We worried at first that you might need a crib, but from night 1 you slept just fine in a big boy bed. You wouldn’t go to sleep unless you had your stuffed monkey in your arms, Mickey Mouse on the bed and a small fleece blanket next to you though.

You had a serious shoe obsession. Any time you spotted a pair of shoes you would put them on and walk around the house. Even when visitors came over we would have to go hunt for their shoes or find you wearing them.  You also discovered hoods and if your shirt or coat had one it had to be on your head!

You didn’t ever really love bath time, actually just the hair washing part anyway. You would just scream every time. But you loved to just sit and play with toys in the water. Especially if your sister was in the tub too.

You didn’t speak much when you first came, only a few words: hot, shoe, ball, and shirt. You learned so fast listing to Kai and Natalie and Nicole, you wanted to join in the conversation. Some words you learned were hair, cat, meow, car, me, I for Kai, Na for Natalie, Ni for Nicole, da and ma, please and thank you. Then you started to combine two words which was great, things like hold me, me too, you’re fired (there’s a funny story behind that one). All the kids were joking that Jeremy was being fired and you jumped right in to all our surprise.

You are such a sweet boy, so sensitive and loving. You were always happy and outgoing, up for any adventure with the kids. And you would flirt mercilessly with any stranger to get some smiles or steal their food. Your smile was hard to resist, I had to remind several strangers not to share their food or drink with you.

At first you thought you were in charge and didn’t like any rules. But it didn’t take you long to figure ours out and when you got into in trouble you’d go right to time out quietly. You tried to be pretty sneaky with Nicole though. I had to watch you two carefully! We were lucky enough to celebrate your second birthday with you. I think something clicked in your head that day because all of a sudden you decided, “I can do it myself!” You didn’t think you needed help with anything even if you couldn’t do it. If we tried to help you, you would throw a fit.  You started throwing lots of fits. Those terrible twos are terrible.  Sometimes it was because we took off a sock or put your shirt in the hamper that you still wanted to wear. You were starting to assert your independence all right.

We all loved and cared for you very much. We don’t have the answers to why things worked out the way they did, but we are so thankful we had the time we did with you. I hope this isn’t goodbye and that maybe one day we can see each other again. Natalie thinks we should move next door so we can still see you every day! In our hearts, as much as it pains us, we know you are meant to be with your real family. We will always miss you terribly and hope we can watch you grow from a distance.

We will keep you in our hearts and in our prayers forever. You are such a shining star, so special; people are naturally drawn to you and I know you will be a good friend to so many people in your life. You are quick on your feet, so smart, and so beautiful. That is why we chose the name Jamal- it means beauty and grace.  We know you have a great life ahead of you. Good luck and God bless you.

With Love,

Jeremy, Evelyn

Kai, Natalie, and Nicole